During some difficult times in the life of my business, I have found myself in need of people to believe enough in me to give me support. Quite often the needed support was in form of a willingness to simply avoid saying negative things to my face. Honestly, that would have been enough.
For the person going through hard times in the pursuit of a valued goal, nothing can make the process more difficult than having persons close to him/her, and who happen to be privy to the details of his/her suffering, resort to making insensitive remarks or lame attempts at humour!
Don't get me wrong, I am one person who is well aware of the need to be able to laugh at myself when I fall flat on my face in the pursuit of my sometimes crazy goals. Those who know me will attest to the fact, that I readily come up with humorous narratives based on temporary defeats I'm going through at a point in time, to share with others.
However, I strongly disapprove of some people who use such periods to launch criticism or even campaigns of calumny against the person experiencing adversity. Rarely do they do this for the reasons they offer e.g. "he's just making his wife and kids suffer for nothing by insisting on making it in this line of business".
Only few people who have deep levels of conviction are able to retain decent degrees of self-esteem, to continue, after being exposed to such orchestrated doses of negativity.
In my case, I am "lucky" to have been able to repeatedly turn my situation around for the better, by having "blind faith" and "refusing to recognise failure" - causing no small embarrassment to those who had questioned my abilities, and sometimes my sanity:-)
That's why I sometimes ask people: What would it cost you to keep your doubts to yourself, and offer only words of encouragement, support and even ideas, to a person who is courageous enough to embark on a life changing adventure, to achieve a seemingly impossible goal?
Think about it for a moment. Do many of us not often claim to love one another? If we really do, it should NEVER be okay to give up on others - especially not on those we can see have not given up on themselves!
I believe that if someone who believes so passionately in herself and her dream, in spite of what others consider glaring realities around her, continues to strive to achieve it, YOU (and others like you) can help by pursuing one of the following "more acceptable" lines of action:
a. Offer active support - Ask her what you can do to help the process. Quite often, it won't be money. It could be experience, or unique insight! If you have doubts, raise them in a manner that does not attack her self-esteem. Except what she aims to do is illegal or unethical, offering support in this manner should pose no problem to you.
b. Offer passive support - If you are like many others, who find it difficult to buy into other people's dreams or visions, but still care, I urge you to keep any "don't do it" suggestions to yourself. She is unlikely to welcome them. People who are driven to achieve highly challenging goals do not appreciate being told they cannot do it. She might need someone to talk to when things get rough. Be there for her.
So, How Will This Help?
Over time, your efforts are likely to quicken the progress towards success, and also ease the pain and suffering she is exposed to, until the breakthrough is achieved. At the very least, you get to look good whether or not the goal is achieved, and your relationship with that person will likely be enhanced.
In my experience, so many people try to give up on another person's behalf, especially when they know s/he sometimes needs their help for different things in order to keep working towards the goal.
But, I am of the experience based opinion, that it is not for you to reason whether or not progress is apparent! Make suggestions if need be, but keep them constructive. Most importantly, resist the temptation to try getting the person to be "reasonable, and find something more worthwhile to do".
As can be seen from studying the lives of many great achievers dead and alive today, the progress of mankind might just depend on people like the person(s) you support in this manner!
"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man." - George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950), Man and Superman (1903) "Maxims for Revolutionists"
Self-Development/Performance Enhancement Specialist - Tayo Solagbade - works as a Multipreneur, helping individuals/businesses develop and implement strategies to achieve their goals, faster and more profitably.
Depending on his availability, Tayo accepts invitations to deliver customisable talks and keynote speeches (on Self-Development, Best Practice/Workplace Performance Improvement, Getting Maximum Benefits From Spreadsheets, Cost-Saving Farm Business Ideas, and Entrepreneuring) for an affordable fee. Call 234-803-302-1263 for details.
Visit http://www.tksola.com/ to subscribe to Tayo's Self-Development Digest newsletter (published monthly since June 2006). You get FREE copies of two new PDF reports written by Tayo, titled (a). Tested, Proven & Ready-To-Use, Ideas For Marketing Your Book At Zero-Cost; (b). There Are Different Types Of Public Speakers!(Subtitle: Introduction To Public Speaking For Business Marketing).
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